Friday, March 12, 2010

Tonight is a strange night as I am here on my own in the dining room.  Mom is at Tillie's in Windsor and I will pick her up tomorrow.  Very very very strange.  Not sure I like it.  I miss Mom.  I know she just sits there a lot and doesn't say much, but we do speak with each other and have fun together even if her memory is going.  I have never really spent a lot of time at night in the house on my own.  Once last year when Mom was in the hospital and then Tillie came over and stayed with me and then Mom came home.  So it is the first since then.  I am to pick her up tomorrow evening after my afternoon with Kathy.  I am excited that Kathy is coming to visit her parents and I will get to see her.  It will be a first without Mom for the last few years too.  She doesn't interrupt the visit or anything, she just quietly eats and observes.  She is a good observer, that's what she is.  I have resisted the urge to call and check on her in case she is doing well and that would make her be upset.  Don't want that, that is for sure!  But overall, I will freely admit to being a Momma's girl and always have been and always will be.  At night I like to have someone else in the house with me, I feel safer but I guess that is not to be tonight.  I am heading to bed shortly as it is almost 9 pm.

Pain is a bit higher as the anxiety is a bit high over how Mom will do.  I also have a bit of anxiety over undressing and dressing myself as my shoulder is very sore today.  I will struggle, but I think I can do it.  Maybe I should have spent the night.  I don't know, it's too late now to change anything.  Mom is there and I am here and that is the way it is.  Who would have thought this would cause me anxiety?  I am relaxing, yes, that is it, I am going to get my book and go and read on my bed for a bit before I turn off the light.

I hope your evening is going well.  We shall see how my night turns out!  Perhaps some prayers are in order.  Good night!

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