Thursday, March 4, 2010

We are back from the assessment.  Mom will officially be put on the list as soon as I fill in my choices.  I can have up to 3.  We will have a worker out to help mom with the bath and hair once a week.  Finally!  We have some help!  I can help her with a sponge bath, but to get her in the tub is a nightmare for the both of us.  I just am not strong enough to make her feel safe, so we sponge bath instead.  It works for us.  Mom did pretty well, I mean, as well as she can.  She couldn't answer any questions, but I didn't expect her too either.  That is beyond what she is capable of doing.  As usual, Mom is sleeping in her chair.  If I could stay awake at night, I would see what she does at night, but I am usually sleeping and she stays in her bed.  She did wake up super early today, but I put her right back into bed and she stayed until she heard me get up.  It is so beautiful this new pattern.  I am enjoying every minute of the new pattern because you never know when it could end.  It was tiring for me this meeting.  I was so tense because I can't predict what Mom will do, will she be nice or will she cry?  Who knows?  She doesn't make eye contact with me much anymore when she speaks to me.  She really only speaks to me if I speak to her first.  It is like she can't think of anything to say, and she probably can't.  She did well and didn't cry when the word nursing home came up and during the questions, it came up a lot.  I don't think she knows what that is anymore which is good since eventually she will be in one.  the lady said it could be a couple of years unless I burn out and can't take it anymore, then they call it critic and the put her in the first one that is available.  I have to go and check out a few.  Not really happy about that.  I would rather not see them, but in doing my best for Mom I will.  These things make me really sad and depressed.

Surprisingly, the pain level isn't as high as I thought it would be considering the tense situation, so I am pleased with myself on that.  My head is a bit sore, but I knew it would be because of the tenseness of the meeting.  The lady was very nice and helpful, don't get me wrong, it the subject of the meeting that causes me to be tense.

My arm bruise is growing from the blood test I had yesterday.  It is still fresh looking so I know I am still bleeding under the skin.  It took a while for the blood to stop on the outside too, when I stop to think about it.  I am not happy about tomorrow's test because it will be in the extremely sore arm and it will hurt like the dickens.  I don't do well with tests in that arm anymore because of the stiff shoulder and arm pain.  The pain runs down the front of my forearm and ends at the elbow, exactly where the tourniquet will go tomorrow.  Yeah.  I will make sure I have an empty tummy for this one so the pain doesn't make me throw up.

Well, I am heading up to bed now, have to get up earlier for said test and we all know how I feel about mornings to begin with!  yuck!!!  That's what I think about mornings!  I hope your day went well and your morning will go good too!

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