Friday, November 12, 2010


It seems to be bad in the nighttime before I go to bed.  I tried reading before I went to bed tonight and I started crying again.  I miss her most I think at night.  I have rarely, before she died, slept in the house on my own so I think that might be part of it.  One month ago she was alive, dying, but alive.  I don't understand why they couldn't fix this.  Wouldn't a feeding tube have worked?  The doctor said no, but still, shouldn't we have tried?  I don't know.  I just miss her most in the morning and the evening.  I have way too much time on my hands.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

1 comment:

  1. I hope you feel better soon, Heather. I miss my mom mostly in the night, too. She and I were "night owls" and would stay up almost all night long, watching TV and softy talking. I went through the little mind game, too, if I did enough to "save" Mom from dying. I went back the last month that she was alive and looked for ANY clues that might have told me she was dying and found nothing. And even if she were to have survived, she would have been tethered to the Earth by a feeding tube, ventilator, IV's, ect. She would NOT have wanted that. I want the Mom back that was funny, smart and always there for me. I believe that is what YOUR Mom would have wanted to. So don't play those mind games. It just will make you more upset and sad. Think of the happy times you had with your mom. This is what I am doing with my blog...going down memory lane. And it has really helped me.