Tuesday 10-11

It was exactly one year ago today that I last heard my mother speak to me.  It is kinda weird to think that though.  She was responding to questions and holding (short ones of course) conversations with me, her brother, her niece and nephew, as well as some friends that day.  While it wasn't our first day with hospice, we had been a hospice family for about 3 weeks at this point, it was the first day of her in the hospice unit in the hospital.  I am not as sad, right now, as I expected this day to be, mind you, it is only about 5 pm and there are many hours before I go to bed.  I was thinking last night about Mom.  My first memory involves her.  I was coming down the stairs to the kitchen.  I must have been about 3 or 4 years old.  I remember walking down the stairs and she looked up and smiled at me.  I then remember running to get a hug and a kiss from her.  I am grateful that my last memory of her speaking to me is a good one too.  So many people don't have that like I do.  She was lying in the hospital bed all bundled up because she was always so cold. She had several pillows around her and her little feet were propped up with a blanket so she wouldn't get a sore on her heels.  I leaned over and hugged her as best as I could, which is really hard when the person is lying in bed, but I tried.  I gave her a kiss and told her I loved her.  She said she loved me too.  Those were the last words I ever heard my mother speak.  I don't know if she was able to speak that night to the nurses, but by the next day she could no longer speak.  I can still see her in the bed.  She looked so small.  Mom only weighted about 84 pounds when she passed away.  It seems like yesterday sometimes and other times it seems like she was only a dream, yet I have pictures and some of her things, so I know she was real.  I just miss her a lot and wish she were still here.  I don't wish she were here with the Alzheimer's, I know that the last 6 months of her life were hard on the little lady, I wish she were here and healthy like she was before Alzheimer's.  Those were the good days although, even when she had Alzheimer's she was fun.  I just had to adjust what we did, that was all.

Aaiyanna had her lesson today.  We started her Christmas songs. She seems to like them so that is good. She is singing Gesu Bambino and Sleigh Song for the Christmas Concert.  We will do lots of fun Christmas Songs too but those are the ones for the concert.  She is such a cute little girl.  She loves my Mom's little bear dressed as a dog.  She really loves that.  I think she holds him or my heartsong carebear during every lesson.  McKenzie is supposed to have her lesson tonight.  I am really hoping she does.  She hasn't had a lesson in a month and that is just not good.  I know the place where she practices is under construction, so I am not sure if she is coming tonight or not.  I have not heard otherwise, so I am hopeful McKenzie will have a lesson tonight.  I am hopeful.

I emailed the local University in Kalamazoo and we have our 2nd judge for the Michigan Music Association Competition!  I am very excited.  Her name is Elizabeth and she is a vocal judge.  I am so thrilled that we have two judges.  We have the guitar and now 1 of the vocal judges.

It has been an up and down day for me.  I hope yours is better.  Here is a couple of pictures