Sunday, February 21, 2010

We are back from competition.  Students did alright.  Katie won her first trophy for a solo ever!  It was exciting for me to see her win something.  Rachel won 3 solos out of 4 and she and Katie got a 2nd for their duet.  Frank won 2nd for one of his piano pieces, we were both excited about that.  It was great because it was his first time competing piano ever.

Mom did alright with Tillie, apparently didn't get upset when she couldn't see me so I am glad about that.  She isn't eating very well right now.  Or drinking much water or any other liquid either.  It makes me mad because I put the food in front of her and she flips out on me.  It is so frustrating to me.  She is so paranoid about messing up her pants that she won't eat a decent meal or finish a glass of water.  I try to shove an ensure down her but I am sure she has lost even more weight.  At this rate, she will die of starvation and dehydration long before Alzheimer's gets her.  It better change soon or she will end up in a hospital for dehydration.  I try to make her drink, but how do you get someone to drink something that they won't drink?  I don't think you can.

It was nice to be by myself for a bit, although I prefer company to being by myself.  Mom would have liked to have heard a few more students but I don't think she could have handled it.  As it is, she thinks she heard them all (mine anyways)

I am just very angry about the whole situation right now.  I could just scream and cry.  Mom makes it so hard to take care of her.  I have to take her to a doctor in Windsor for an assessment.  What is he/she going to do when they take a look at her?  If they put her in the hospital, I don't think she will be coming home again.  I have to make the appointment Monday I am trying for a Thursday because that is my best day.  I teach M-W and Fri and they of course, are closed on the weekends.  (I don't expect them to be opened on sat or sun)  We have two more assessments before Mom gets added to the Windsor waiting list, although if she goes into a hospital, they may send her directly to a home.

The new medicine works better than the old although she didn't sleep much this weekend and neither did I.  I am planning to sleep in tomorrow until noon because I am so exhausted and so so so so so sore.  My hips and lower back are just killing me with pain.  It has been bad all weekend.  Mom was up and down both nights, I also learned it wouldn't matter if we shared a bed or not, she isn't going to sleep well, she is up and that would just mean even less sleep than I already get now for me so that isn't going to happen.  I also am not moving my bed into her room.  I wouldn't get any sleep at all.  That would just suck for me.  I don't sleep well because of the pain as it is, so even less would be bad.  I hope Tillie gets a good night sleep too because she didn't sleep very much Fri or Sat night either.  She was up every time Mom woke up too, the only one who got sleep, was Mom.

I also saw this weekend how bad Mom really is.  Her downward spiral is moving on a fast track.  I hope it slows down, I am not ready for this fast tracking stuff.  Not ready at all.  I don't think Mom has a clue how little she can do now.  She can't read very much (she was never much of a reader anyways, not like me.) she can't do her puzzles really except for young children ones and even they are hard for her.  Her concentration is pretty bad too, expecting her to follow TV shows and movies are pointless, I just let her wander.  She wanders a lot now, much more than she used to.  Tillie is coming over next month and we are cleaning out her room of all the stuff she no longer needs.  I will be able to gate her in her room then and she can wander in it all night while I sleep, although I prefer her to sleep because otherwise she sleeps all day and that is hard to.

Anyways, overall I am happy how the kids did, Mom did pretty well considering her condition (except the eating and drinking part) but I am exhausted and will take the next week to recover from this weekend.  I am glad competition is only once a year and not more.

I hope your weekend was good.


  1. Congratulations to you and your students Heather! Glad Mom was good with Tillie.

    My Mom got to where she wouldn't eat. She had to be hand-fed. If it was left for her she wouldn't touch it as her brain didn't understand the concept of food and water..that it was necessary and she no longer understood how to use silverware. Using a straw helped with the liquid for awhile until she didn't remember how to sip.

    When your Mom wanders does she have a purpose, or does she just wonder? Mine wondered for the sake of wandering.

    Hope you have a good day.

  2. she just wanders for the sake of wandering. Mom's problem with food is that she is paranoid that it will give her bathroom problems. Certain foods don't agree with her, I don't give her those ones. We will be going to another doctor (for the waiting list in canada) I am nervous because she is so tiny and not eating and drinking they may just put her in a hospital (that's what tillie thinks) she barely ate her dinner again. Almost time for another ensure for her. 2nd one of the day.

  3. Heather, I am sorry you are going through all does sound like your mom will need to go in a home soon..I know thats hard to think about but if she is not eating or drinking what can you do.. You have a huge load on your shoulders and are a gem..hugs

  4. thanks Barb!! Sometimes I just feel like I don't do enough, but then I get encouragement from my friends! thanks!! it helps a lot!