what is a family?

I have been wondering about that lately.  What makes a family?  Being related to each other, sharing parents, or grandparents, or friends?  There are a lot of people that I am related too.  I have a good size extended family.  I think my little family, the one with Mom and my brothers, separated when we lost Mom.  One brother isn't speaking to me at all and I am not allowed to get in contact with him, and the other, I hear from so infrequently, I wonder if he even remembers I exist at times.  When Mom was here I felt like I had a little family, now I wonder who is my family.  I have friends I am very close to and I feel more like a family with them.  Do you have to be related or adopted to be a family?  I don't think so.  I think at this point my little family are my close friends.  I still have an extended family, but I am closer to my friends than I am to most of them, not all, just most.  I mean, I like most of my relatives, I get alone well with most of them, but sometimes I am so alone when I am with them at family gatherings.  At my and Darrin's birthday party, I felt so alone and I was sitting among my relatives!  Yet, I still felt so alone.  I felt that way at the Christmas Dinner too.  Yet, when I was at Kathy's parents house for Christmas Eve, Christmas, and Easter, I felt like part of a family.  Yes, Kathy is my best friend and we have been friends for 40 years so I have known her parents for a very long time and they are very welcoming, does that make a difference?  I didn't feel lonely when I was with them and with my family I feel alone.  It is very weird to me so it has made me wonder, what makes a family?  I feel close to some of my cousins and not close to others.  It is just something that I have been feeling since I lost Momma.  I think I have just been lost myself without her.  I think my identity and my purpose, at times, was caught up in with my mother. I was her caregiver as well as her daughter and I was proud to be.  I am proud that I was able to keep her here at home and not had to place her in a home.  I know how lucky I was, I really do and I do NOT take that for granted.  Now I am redefining my life.  I am still a teacher and I love teaching.  I have loved teaching since I started.  Mom was so proud that I was a teacher.  She wanted so badly to be one herself. Finally, about 10 years ago when Mom and I were talking about it I was able to point out that she was a teacher, that is what she did in the army as well as other jobs.  She was also our brownie leader, den mother, and all things with scouts.  I just followed in her footsteps in a way.

Pain level is normal today as well as the head.  This last week the head hasn't been super bad, but it was for a few weeks at the end of July.  I was lucky if I was able to teach and then I had to be lying down because my head felt like it was going to fall off.  It has been a tiring day.  I have been so exhausted today.  I do hope to sleep well, for me, tonight.  I have 1 lesson tomorrow and I have 8 lessons on Monday.  I need to be well rested for those lessons. 

I do hope you had a good day too.