Sunday, May 1, 2011

tired day

I am so tired today.  I think I have slept through most of it.  I have had a bad headache all day so for today. After Army Wives, I will be heading back to bed again.  I haven't even gotten out of my pajamas yet for the day.  Exhaustion just hit me this afternoon like I haven't had it in a few weeks.  I got up late and then after a couple of hours, I went right back to bed.

Tomorrow I have to get up because, I get my MUGLIA GIRLS!!!  I haven't seen then in 6 WEEKS!  Way too long.  I am excited that I get them tomorrow.  I need to see my girls much more often than I get them.  They just can't have lessons more than once a month but I am thankful I see them that often.

Bob will be having his lesson on Wednesday.  I have my blood test that day too.  Yuck, at least I haven't had one for a month.

It has been an all around yucky day for me, I think.  It is a really bad missing Mom day.  The short time I have been up I have been crying and missing her.  I just want her with me.  My friends, Rosemary and Kimberly are just starting the grieving journey and I know how much it sucks.  At least they have each other and their families.  I have friends and that has helped a lot but I still just want to be with my mom.  That hasn't changed since she died, I don't really expect it to ever change.

I called and asked Tillie what she was doing for mother's day, she is going to Darrin's I guess.  Last year she was alone so I was going to ask her to go to dinner, but I guess I will be the one alone on that horrible day.  I don't look forward to that day not one bit.  Maybe i will just hide that day and it will pass me by.  That might be what I have to do.  Last year, I took Momma to Olive Garden and we had a good time.  Now she isn't here.  I was going to go to her grave site, but I didn't want to go alone and Andrew isn't going so I guess I am not.  It is a long drive to go by myself.  It is about 2 hours away.  Andrew is graduating on the 17th of June as of right now.  It is on a Friday, which is kind of strange but okay, I will just reschedule lessons for that day.  As it gets closer I will check the date again with him.  These dates have been to change.  I do know he is planning some sort of party too but I don't know much about that either.

I hope your day is better than mine.  Army Wives is on now so I am going to watch it.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry that you're feeling so tired. Mother's day will be tough, my husband lost his father and he said the first year was the worst. Because everything was 'the first blank without Dad'. After the first year I'm not sure I'd say that it gets easier but the pain is not quite as intense.

    I'm sure missing your mother hurts, but at least you were close enough to miss her. Not everyone is as lucky as to have the relationship with their parent that you had. The pain of not having a nice relationship with your parents is corrosive. Your pain is natural, it shows that your mom is important enough and special enough to be missed.

    I hope that made sense, I can't sleep and I'm so tired I can barely see the screen!