I made it just in time for lunch. I was able to help them by feeding Mom. They have several nurse assistants that help with that, but they have to pass out the trays first so I just sailed right in and started serving Mom. Mom smiled when I got there. She was asking for help. The nurse assistant said she really appreciated my coming and helping her. I plan to be there everyday except Friday for lunch, Fridays, I will be there for dinner. This will help them a bit and Mom and I can do some bonding over feeding her. She never was really fed until she went into the hospital. don't know what I will do when we are here at home. I may continue feeding her or just helping when she needs it. She can feed herself, it has just been a week since she has done it herself. I think she forgot she can do it. They also have her in a wheelchair when she goes into the dining room. She can walk. I know she is weak, but she can walk. I am worried what 2 more weeks of a wheelchair is going to do to her muscles. Did I make the right decision? I just don't know now. She could feed herself and walk before I took her to the hospital, does this mean she can't anymore? I mean, she could go up and down stairs too. What is going to happen about that? I am really nervous about her coming home now. I want her walking more in the home, she can walk. I told the physical therapist that too. I don't need her coming home weaker than she already is, she needs to be strong. That was the only reason I agreed to this. Also, they just left water by her bed. A lot of good that is going to do. She needs to be reminded to take a drink. That is what I do, only now I will do it every hour and I will have her drink with me all the time so even when we are out, I will have a drink for her. Right now, she can barely hold a cup to drink. I had to hold it up to her. What has this past week done to my mom?

I also think I am in more pain than normal because it is more stressing for me to have her away from me than with me. I know it would seem the opposite, but it isn't. It is much more stress to have her placed for 2 weeks than spending the 2 weeks with her. I did talk to the physical therapist and told her what she wanted to know. How our house is laid out, are there stairs, where is her room, does she walk by herself or with a walker, etc. Those type of questions. She tried to ask Mom, but she couldn't answer. I did hear the phone at 7:56 this morning, I just couldn't get to it in time. Fortunately, she called back around 10 am and I answered this time. I am moving the phone to be closer to me at night in case I get a phone call concerning Mom. I will be setting my alarm to get up at 10:30 all this week and next so that I can be at the nursing center for lunch to help out with Mom. It worked really well today. I fed Mom, we went on the patio, Mom started falling asleep, and then we went back in and the assistant put her in bed. I left about 1:30 pm because she was almost asleep. Perfect timing. That way, she may not get as upset as she can. They said she did cry a couple of times this morning, but nothing major. If she starts getting too upset, I will bring her home, simple as that. She has been away from me for over a week and she doesn't like it. She hasn't called for me yet, although at lunch she said her daughter would help and then I arrived. Perfect timing for that one.

My arm is pretty sore today so is my head. I forgot to take my morning meds so I am going to take them in a few minutes. It looks like it is about the thunderstorm. Fun. Just what we need, well, we do need the rain. Our lawn is looking peaked and brown. I am glad I am home for the rest of the day in case it does rain. I am going to read a bit and then work on Emily's dress. I want it all pinned so she can come and try it on one more time to make sure it is okay. In about 1 1/2 weeks I will work on Lily's. They both look so grown up in these dresses, especially Lily. She is only 12. I'd like her to stay that way for a while. I don't want her to grow up too fast, she already has in some ways.

I hope this finds you doing well. Enjoy your Memorial Day.

Mom has been discharged and transferred to the nursing center!!! Finally!!! After 3 days she has been moved! I have started the countdown until she is home. yup, I am counting down the days. She was asleep when I got there but she woke up a bit just when I was about to sit on the chair. Her lunch was delivered and ready for her. She had to go to the bathroom so I help as best as I could after I hit the nurses call button. After that, I fed her lunch and she ate pretty okay. The nursing center knows that she may need help with eating and dressing. I also let them know that she is very frightened over all the changes that have been made for her. She doesn't really have a clue where she is, all she knows is that when she calls my name, I am not there and that frightens her because we are together all the time. Every day, all day, she is with me. Rarely do I have someone watch her for me because usually I can bring her with me so I do. It has been a strange week without her around. I don't really like sleeping in the house all by myself but I am getting used to it. It just is strange for the both of us.

Mom's roommate is very nice. She has a broken knee so she will be there a while for physical therapy too. I forgot to pack Mom's toothbrush and hairbrush. Oops. I will bring them tomorrow. I had so many papers to fill out it was unbelievable, simply unbelievable. I would say there was at least 25 to 30 pieces of paper I had to sign for her. Mom slept through the end of it. When I left she was out like a light so I didn't wake her. She said her eyes even hurt from being so tired. She is just plain exhausted, completely exhausted. I expect her to sleep a lot this week there. At least she won't be woken up every 2 hours to be turned. The nurses have cream to put on her bottom. I didn't sign her up for the phone or the TV because she wouldn't know how to use either anyways, so why bother pay for something she isn't going to use? That would be silly and stupid and a waste of good money when we have bills that need to be paid. I am thankful that medicare pays 100% up to 20 days and since Mom will only be there for 14 days, it is paid for. We don't have the money for the co-pay after that, but we won't need it so it doesn't even matter. Mom will be home and I will be a happy camper. So will Mom. I think she will be happy to go home.

Pain is a bit high today. Not really sure why. I am not as tired as I was earlier today, I got up just in time for Katie's lesson. I set the alarm for the wrong time, but we fit the lesson in and that is what counts. She is doing well and is learning some new music. She has a book that has one of my favorite songs in it!!!! Red as the rose!!! It is an old Irish song that I heard about 10 years ago. I have been looking for that song ever since and Katie has it! I am so excited about that. She is going to make me a copy of it and the CD. How cool is that? Pretty cool, I'd say! I am planning to give that to Lily, I think she will love the song.

It is a bit hot outside, but a nice change from freezing all winter. I did have to turn the A/C up a bit as it was cold in the house. This new thermostat keeps the temp a bit different than the old one which I think wasn't giving us the proper temp anyways.

I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying the holiday weekend!

Mom is delayed again for her discharge. It is now tomorrow, Sunday. They didn't give her the medicine she needed last night to clear up her issue, so they gave it to her today. I know, because I was there when she took it. She ate pretty good for lunch, she finished all her beans and her rice. She ate 1/2 of the pudding (it was a boost pudding) and 1/3 of her chicken and gravy. She drank 7 oz of her apple juice, it had some medicine in it too. Overall, I am disappointed they didn't give it too her yesterday, she usually needs some help with this issue, but hey, it is fixed now. I plan to be there at 11:00 tomorrow so maybe I will see the doctor although, I imagine she has to have a day off sometime. I hope Mom goes to the nursing center tomorrow so I can start my countdown until she is home. I am not going to call Richard or Andrew for an update today because I have nothing really to say except it is moved to tomorrow. I will call them as soon as she is placed. She fell asleep after lunch and the medicine and her walk. Physical Therapy came to see her and they took her up and down the hall. She did really well. She cooperated with them and everything. I was pleased. I think she will cooperate with physical therapy at the nursing center. I remembered to bring her undies today. I put them in the suitcase and the blue bag. There is a blue bag missing with Mom's little red jacket in it. I left the nurses station now because it is a really good little jacket for mom. I don't want to lose it, although if I have to buy another I will. It's just this one is lined with sweatshirt material and has a hood on it in case it rains. Mom really likes it. I hope they find it. I am sure they will. I knew I should have brought it home on Thursday when I saw it. Stupid me. Then I would for sure have it. They moved her room again and the jacket didn't go with her, that is why I am worried about it. I looked in the old room's cupboard and it wasn't there so I am not sure where it went. I wish I knew where we got it from. Her blue one isn't as nice as this one because it isn't as warm. Her gray hoodie fits underneath it too which it doesn't under the blue one. I am hopeful they find it.

Pain is a bit higher in the head today and the hands. The weather is beautiful though, nice and sunny and not too hot or humid. I don't have many plans today except to read a bit and fiddle around online. I am going to do some laundry too, I am running out of t-shirts to wear again, need to buy some more too. I have several I can't wear anymore due to stains. I want to purchase four new t-shirts for the summer.

I don't have any special plans for the holiday weekend. Everything depends on the Mom. We were supposed to go to my Uncle's tomorrow, but of course, I had to cancel that. We will reschedule as soon as Mom is home and feeling better. She likes going to see her little brother and I think he enjoys seeing her even if she falls asleep in the afternoon at his house. He didn't mind. He knows the scoop on her condition, he just wants to spend as much time with her as he can while he can. I know the feeling. I want to make sure her last whatever, (months, weeks, days, years, etc) are happy ones for her. She deserves it, she has had a hard life at times.

I hope this finds you doing well and having a great weekend! Enjoy the nice weather if you have it!

Mom will not be discharged today, but tomorrow. She has a bit of a constipation problem and apparently the nursing home would send her right back into the hospital for that. That would not be good. The doctor ordered some medicine to take care of the issue tonight, so that is good. I am to be at the hospital by noon to sign her papers. I have her suitcase ready except for her undies. Apparently, the disposable undies are causing her a problem and the nurse has asked for regular undies for her. I will wash and bring them to her. I miss her being here. I know we don't talk all day like we used, she isn't capable of being that verbal, but I miss her presence. Fortunately, I know she is in good hands and will be moving to good hands so that keeps me going. I am anxious to have her home, but at the same time I want her stronger and if physical therapy for her is better in the home right now, then that is where she will go. I do plan to visit everyday so that she doesn't get too lonely and feel afraid. After she is discharged from the nursing home I will have a plan in place to make sure I focus on hydrating her so this doesn't happen again. She ate pretty well at lunch. I fed her some macaroni and cheese and pudding and it looked like she ate some fruit and mashed potatoes before I got there. She has a bottle of water by her bed too. The nurses aid said every time she comes in to turn Mom she gets her to drink a bit of the water, plus she is still hooked up to the IV. Everything is going pretty well for her, despite the little hiccup in the plan. I have tomorrow off now so I can devote the entire afternoon to Mom's settling in at the home.

I did speak to Andrew, he didn't get any of my messages. I gave him the update and said I would call if there were any changes to the plan. I spoke to Richard too and he said to call as soon as she is placed tomorrow so I will. I am much more confident about Mom's condition now that she is doing better and almost ready to come home. Once Mom is home I plan to have her eat of drink something every hour during the day so this doesn't happen again. Apparently, every 2 to 3 hours clearly isn't good enough. I gave the update to my Uncle John too. We were supposed to go to his house on Sunday, but obviously, we aren't going. We will go once Mom is home and better. She will enjoy the visit with her brother.

I am enjoying the peace and quiet of the house now. I didn't the last time I had the house to myself, but this time I am. Tillie will be over next week for a bit and then before I know it, Mom will be home. I just read and watched a bit of TV last night before chatting with my friend, Karlyn and my cousin, Hayley. Karlyn has been a great help to me over this whole event. She has chatted with me on face book almost every night, listening to my fears, which are pretty much gone now. She has 2 girls and 1 boy and I have their Christmas picture, they are very very cute. Julianne and Alexis sent me messages via their mom too. I mean, how sweet can you get? They are very compassionate little girls.

Pain level is normal with a bit of a headache. Don't really know why I have more of a headache than usual because it isn't raining, it is beautiful outside. It isn't too humid or muggy out either. Who knows? FMS is a strange disease and does strange things to a body, that's all I know. I think I will take another pain pill and then my student should be here shortly. It has been a quiet day.

Mom will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow! Yeah! She is doing better today! Yesterday was just a bad day for her. I don't know why, but today is better. She will be transferring to a nursing home for 2 weeks, then she will come home to me! I can't wait for that. I miss her when she isn't around. I know she misses me. While I was there, Physical Therapy came by to see her and they got her up out of bed and using a walker, out for a walk. She did have to take a detour to the bathroom, but then she went for a walk. How exciting. Yesterday, I thought I was at the end for her, but now it seems she has rallied a bit and is back to doing how she was before she went into the hospital. I do realistically realize that this may happen again since eating and drinking are very hard for her, but I can deal with it as it comes. I feel much stronger today, but I wasn't yesterday. Today, I can handle anything that is handed to me, yesterday, not so much. I have a good support system so that is good. I do have some laundry to do for her because I don't have enough clean for her so I can pack a suitcase for her to take to the nursing home for her. I, fortunately, have enough clean tee shirts and sweats for her and socks, however, her pair of jeans are dirty as well as her pajamas. I want her to look cute as she is having her physical therapy for the next 2 weeks. Thank goodness we found her clothes. There are some in the spare room too. I will pack later this afternoon and put the suitcase in the front hall so I don't forget to bring it to her tomorrow. I have papers to sign for her tomorrow since Mom can't really sign for herself. I am her patient advocate and her power of attorney person. I will take good care of her. I will be counting down the days until she comes home though, since I miss her so much. I will also enjoy the break from the day to day grind of taking care of her. I plan to put some stargate in this afternoon to watch. I love that show.

I am having such a good day, pain is down and Mom is doing well! What could be better (outside of Mom being home with me having a good day)?

If Richard wants to come and visit now, that would be fine, but I don't feel the need for him to be here. With Mom doing good and going to a new place tomorrow, I think she is on the road to recovery as much as she can. She probably will know him right now if he comes. She seems to know who he is when I talk about him and the family, so that is a good thing.

It is warm outside today. The sun is shining although a possible storm later this afternoon.

Mom isn't doing as well as she did yesterday. I don't know if it is because she was all alone all day (I was in Lansing for the day so I didn't arrive until 5:00 pm) or just a regular bad day for her. She didn't eat or drink very much. Thank goodness she has an IV! That keeps her hydrated. She doesn't appear to be in pain so I am very happy about that. We didn't stay long as I have a bad headache tonight. I will be heading to bed early. Two nights without much sleep are creeping up on me. I have to get up early again tomorrow because of my blood test at 11:00 am. Yuck! I wish I could reschedule but it is too late for that. I will go and get it down and then it will be over for 2 weeks or perhaps a month. We shall see. Mom should be going to a rehab hospital for a couple weeks after she leaves the hospital which could be in a couple of days depending on how she is doing. Basically, the bottom line is this is the beginning of her end. I can't believe it, I am not ready for it, but from what I have read (and I have read a lot about this disease) she is nearing the end. The plan is to bring her home, but I don't know for how long. It is a wait and see. I will be moving a bed into the living room for her because I don't expect her to be too mobile. I will be getting her a couple of nightgowns to wear because they will be easier for her to wear than pants. I am not happy about this, but I have been expecting it since she first stopped eating properly last February. I guess I can forget about bringing her to Chicago for the competition, we won't be attending. My goal is to make sure her last few months or weeks or whatever are comfortable and pleasant for her. She won't really know where she is so I am not worried about her being upset that she isn't at home. Mom was upset when she didn't know where I was this afternoon because she is used to me being with her at all times. After a few minutes, she was fine. She did cry tonight when I left so I kissed her, told her I loved her, and left the room. Tillie changed the subject to get her to stop crying and then left also.

My head is really sore tonight. I am not stressed about what is happening which is actually kind of weird, nor have I cried yet. I mean, I am watching my mom die slowly. I just don't want her in pain. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. Ever. She has been with me day in and day out for 4 years straight and we hung out a lot together for years before that. I don't know exactly what I will do without her, but I know I have a lot to figure out. I just don't know right now, now that it is facing me. I have called my older brother to ask if he can come now, but he didn't answer the phone (as usual - he rarely answers his phone, especially if it is me). I think he should come now and not wait until summer because I don't expect Mom to be here at the end of the summer. I could be wrong and she could rally! I pray she does, I am not ready for this. Not one bit. I hope to sleep well tonight or at least as well as I can. I don't want to ache more on top of all this.

Mom is in the hospital. I took her to the ER yesterday afternoon. Maia was with me. We were at Tim Horton's and she kept having a sore throat that would come and go. It happened at home and I tried to give her some pain medicine. I have it in liquid form, but she said it burned going down. I stopped giving her the medicine then because I don't want her to have a burning throat. It stopped hurting and we left. While we were at Tim Horton's, she grabbed her throat again because it hurt again. Also, every time she drank something, no matter what it was, she coughed. We took her right from there. We had to wait a bit in the waiting room (about 2 hours) because they were so busy and there were so many people waiting for beds upstairs in the hospital. When we got in Maia and I told the doctor everything that was happening, including the headache from Saturday. He looked into her throat and said she was very dehydrated, that was what was causing the pain. He sent for several X-Rays, CT scan, blood tests, and urine test. We left at about 8:30 pm to come home because the nurse had no idea when Mom would be sent upstairs to a bed. She was so tired. She was awake the whole time in the ER. We finally we able to get her some pain killers to help with the pain after the last test (the CT scan). She doesn't seem to be in any pain today. She looks so much better than she did yesterday and she can speak much clearer than she could yesterday. She also can put into words more of what she wants to say. She did eat a good breakfast of cream of wheat and an omelet. She had a good lunch, we were there for that one. I am hoping she has a good dinner, although I won't be there for that because I do have a few lessons to teach today. Overall, I am glad we brought her in because I think she could have died from this. Slowly over time, she is starving and dehydrating herself, not on purpose, but because her body is forgetting how to do things. She does tear up every time they move her because she is scared of falling. She is afraid when they stand her up for any reason, but then she calms down right away. I saw the Physician's Assistant this afternoon. I will miss the doctor because of lessons. I will find out what the doctor has to say when I go back this evening. Maia is planning to come to stay with her tomorrow while I am in Lansing for the day. I took Maia to the bus stop so she could take her groceries home to her family. She is coming back tomorrow. Tillie is on her way now and should be here soon. I am hoping that this visit will put some spring back into her step and bring her back to where she was a few months ago. That is my hope. I do know this could happen again with her because of the disease, but I am hoping to keep ahead of it. I am staying rather calm over this whole thing because she is doing so much better. I hope to have her home in a few days. I don't know how long they are going to keep her. At least until tomorrow, I think. I would imagine a few days at least to give her body time to adjust to the hydration she is receiving. It doesn't appear that she is going to need a feeding tube put into her at this time. That was something the doctor mentioned in the ER, that that may be a possibility. hey, if that was what she needs, we will deal with that, no problem. But I am glad that it doesn't seem to be something she is going to need. She was feeding herself mostly. I fed her a bit and she did the rest.

Pain isn't too bad although I didn't sleep much at all last night because I ran out of my sleep medicine and forgot to go and get more. I will fix that this evening. No way am I having 2 nights of no sleep and having to drive to Lansing tomorrow. That would be a bad combination. Very bad combination. My head is not too bad, i am just a bit more tired than normal. I am getting up early tomorrow so I will be heading to bed early both because of no sleep last night and the early morning tomorrow.

I will update as soon as there is something to update.

What a wonderful, fun-filled day! We had a really good time. First up was an earlier than usual morning for the Mom and me. We went to Calli's baptism and it was a really nice service. I think Mom enjoyed the music a lot. It was a contemporary service with Praise and Worship music. Heather B-T's mom sat with us. She and Mom are good friends, well as good as a friend as Mom can be at this point, but I know Mom really likes her because she has mentioned it before. Then after the service was a nice little BBQ at the church social hall. Burgers and Hot Dogs. They were very yummy. Calli sat with us to eat and so did Pat (Heather B-T's Mom). Mom wasn't walking so good, so the church has a walker with a seat. We put Mom in it and Heather's brother, James, took her into the social hall. It was very helpful for the little person. She is just having a day with the walking. It is just one of those days. We stayed until the end, Mom even stayed awake during the whole thing, so you can imagine how tired the little one is. She is having trouble with steps today, but I did manage to get her up and down the steps as needed during the day. When we got home we both went into the living room and took a wee nap. I slept for about an hour, and she is still sleeping. She is exhausted from our little excursion today but I think she really enjoyed herself. She smiled a few times too. Calli and her brother, Acer, can really get the smiles out of Mom.

Despite the time constraints we had this morning, I was able to get her up and dressed and even a little breakfast down her before we left. She only ate about 1/4 of her small bowl of cereal, but it was something. She was scared to go down the stairs this morning, so I pulled one foot down and then she brought the other down, then I did it again, and again, until we were all the way down. I managed to stay calm even though I was running behind time. I shouldn't have made the phone call I made this morning, I should have waited until the afternoon, but I didn't. Mom was fine coming out of the house and getting in the car on the way to church. We we left, she was nervous to get in the car, but I stayed calm, and got her in. I pretty much sat her down on the seat first and then moved her legs. It worked. She was nervous going up the steps into the house, but we did it. I wonder how much it would be to put in a ramp. I am thinking that might be a good idea. I will have to check into it. She got into the living room (it has a step down into it) no problem, so we shall see about going up the stairs tonight. I think she was just really tired when we left the church which is why she was having a bit of trouble. She is sleeping away right now. I just checked on her.

My head hurts a lot this afternoon, thank goodness it didn't hurt real bad until we got home. That would have been terrible to have it hurt bad at the church during the service. I took a pain pill when I got home and it has gone down a bit. Nothing else planned for the rest of the evening except Extreme makeover home addition. I like that show and so does Mom. Sometimes I think the way they decorate the bedrooms are ugly, but mostly I like what they do. I think it has really helped the families out a lot for the ones who get the house. We don't need a bigger house, we need one on one level with hallways big enough for wheelchairs for Mom. We will manage with what we have. Together, we can do it. That is my motto for me and mom. We just have to stick together.

My nails are making a clicking noise on my keyboard and it drives me nuts. It means I need to trim them because if they are making this much noise on the keyboard for the computer, what noise are they going to make on the piano keys? That would drive me nuts faster. I don't know how some people can play with long nails and sound like they do, but they can. I can't. I have to turn in competition stuff at the end of the week for the kids who are attending. My plan is to go, all depending on how Mom does. If she is doing well in July, we go, if she isn't, we don't. That simple, whatever Mom is up for. We would leave on Wednesday and return on the Monday as the awards show ends very late. Mom and Tillie wouldn't have to stay down in the banquet room for the whole thing, they could go back up to the hotel room and rest. I will have to stay for the whole thing though. All depends on the little person and how she is doing. I do hope to go because it would be a nice break for us and I think she would enjoy it. I know Tillie would, she has never been to Chicago. I have several times. The first couple of times it was for an audition and then once for vacation. Mom and I had a good time then. She also came with me for those few times for auditions. She used to drive me (even though I was an adult) to them so I could relax and concentrate on my audition material. It was very nice how she did that for me. We had it all mapped out and I would sleep and rest and she would drive. I miss the mom from those days, although the one I have had for the last few years is a nice one too. I just love my Mom tons and I am keeping her with me as long as possible. So far, it is working out nicely. She is doing alright.

Oh, yeah, the bank fixed the mistake they made and just in time too! Our house insurance is due Monday and it comes out automatically from the checking account. I am so happy that it is fixed and in time too because that would have been bad, very bad.

We have a busy week ahead for us. I don't get to see my Grace anymore until next fall because she is done until then. I will miss her but I do see her on face book, so I will be able to follow what she is up too. I also won't have my Calli this week as her schedule doesn't permit a piano lesson. Her brother, Acer, can't wait until fall for his piano lessons. That will be a new challenge for me and I can't wait either. I just love all my students. I have had the best students ever. I just friended a former student on face book, Francesca,. I haven't seen her since she was in high school about 10 years ago. She was a good kid. We are going to do lunch in the future. I think that will be fun. We are also going to Lansing for the day for the Fibromyaglia Advocacy Day. That will be a fun event and I hope we do some good for all of us who have FMS.

I hope you have a great week too!

It has been a rather busy day for us in the Paxton household. First, we got up a bit earlier because my cousin, Hayley, was expected. She arrived as expected and we sat down for a little visit when, boom! Mom started crying. We both were like what's wrong??? Mom had an instant headache near her ear. She said it hurt really bad. I gave her some Motrin. She stopped crying for a few minutes and continued on with her breakfast. Then she started again. It started to hurt really bad again, so I gave her a bit more and decided to take her to the ER. By the time I had her ready to go to the ER, it stopped. Hayley had already left because we were leaving too. Mom said it went away. I was in indecision of what to do, so I decided to wait and see. It came back 1 more time about an hour later and that has been it all day. If it happens again I will take her in, but it is gone now. So instead of taking her to the ER, we went to our usual. She ate a donut, but nothing else because she already had a bowl of cereal and a little bit of ensure. I, too, only had 1 bagel because I had a bowl of cereal already too.

After that episode, Lily arrived in time for her lesson. Mom's head hurt her 1 more time and then Lily and I moved her into the living room with us and she fell asleep and then was fine. Lily had a good lesson, we worked on a few things she needs to work on and then it was Aggie's turn. Aggie started a new song this week and we didn't get to the Italian song at all. I am sure she was so upset over that. NOT! She needs to remind me to dig out the CD to one of her songs from school so she can practice it for the benefit concert in August. We are doing one for an orphanage in Mexico. Katie K went there this past winter for a mission and wants to help more.

Then it was BOOK CLUB! I just love book club. We read "the Geography of Bliss". It was a really good book. It was about a journalist who went to different countries to learn what their idea of happiness was. Just a fascinating book. We have to miss book club in June because of people's schedule. I am disappointed, but I totally understand. It wouldn't do do have only me for book club. That wouldn't be any fun. We are meet again July 24. I hope to have our newest members there for that one. We are going to read the Time Traveler's Wife. Maggie had suggested it a few months ago and we just haven't gotten to it yet. I think August we will be reading Aggie's suggestion. It sounds fun too. We flipped a coin to see what we would read. We will get to both books anyways, so that is good. Debbie stayed for a bit later after book club was over. She is moving to Seattle, as I have said, and while I am excited she is going, I am sad she is going to. She leaves in about 8 days. Boo. I can't wait to read what wonderful experiences she will be having being a nanny. That will be so cool to read. Children are so unpredictable that it is funny to watch them. I have a blast during lessons with them because you never know what they are going to say next. Never, it is always a surprise.

Mom is doing alright now. She keeps trying to move my mouse and mouse pad though. It is like they don't belong where they are and she needs to move them. She is also constantly smoothing out the table cloth. It is quite amusing how she does this. So far, no sign of an instant headache again. I thought maybe if it was her jaw it would show up when we ate dinner but it didn't. Well, I will just be on the lookout for it.

My jaw is hurting a bit, but that is also normal for me. When I first bit into something, whether it is soft or hard, my jaw hurts. It goes down after I chew for a few moments. It is really annoying, but there isn't anything I can do about it. Pain is relatively alright for a change. This last week has been horrible for it because of the rainy weather, but it is supposed to get nicer as the week goes on, so maybe the pain will relax for a change. That would be nice. I am rather tired today as we did get up a bit earlier than usual today and I didn't sleep well last night. Mom is yawning too right now. I must have passed it on to her. I think we will put in a Walker Texas Ranger episode before we go to bed. Mom is doing really well with nothing on while I am typing. I think she is entertaining herself or is watching me yawn and type.

I hope your day is going well. I can't wait for tomorrow either as we have a party and baptism to go to. I am rather excited about that.

It is a rather dull day outside, sun in, sun out. Mom is sleeping in the living room. As soon as I am done here I am going to get her to do her hair. I will do mine first, then hers. She had a hard time going down the stairs this morning but I got her down. Then we went to Timmie's and she couldn't get in the car to go home. Our friend, Rosemary arrived at that moment so we went back in the restaurant to chat with her. I had some diet coke left, but Mom had nothing left to drink. She wasn't thirsty though so it didn't matter. After that, she got in the car fine. It is weird how sometimes that happens. We had to go to Walmart for some stuff. She got in the car to go home just fine there too. Like I said, it is too weird.

I didn't finish Emily's dress for the pinning yet. I am so tired right now that I am not going to do it now, maybe later, but not right now. We have a busy weekend for a change. I am rather excited about that. Tomorrow is lessons, Hayley, and book club. I mean, how cool is that? Sunday we have Calli's baptism and potluck after it. I think I will see what Heather (my friend and Calli's mom!) needs, then I will know what to bring. I have to make a deposit to the bank tomorrow. The bank has not finished fixing the mistake yet. I hope it is done before Monday when the house insurance goes through, if it doesn't, then the bank will have to reverse it's fees because they made the mistake and I am not paying for their mistake. The lady at the bank said that wouldn't be a problem, so I am holding her to it. Yup, I am.

Mom ate a bit better so far today. It is so hard for her because she just doesn't know when she is hungry anymore. She drank a bit of milk and ate 1 1/2 donuts. She wanted 2 of them today. I don't know why. I don't ask why either, if she wants it, she gets it because she will eat it. Normally we go out to dinner tonight at the little cafe, but because of the bank error, we can't because we don't have enough money for that. At first I was like, grr, but now, I don't really care because it means I don't have to get mom in the car 2 more times. She is sleeping in the living room right now.

Mom has moments when she hurts to sit down. I have her stand when that happens, part of it is because these chairs are not the most comfortable to sit on all day long. I am going to get her a cushion after our money comes in next week so she can bring it with her wherever we go. She was getting sore at Timmie's because we were sitting so long so I had her stand up. It is because she is so terribly thin. She only weighs 92 pounds right now. She is a bony, tiny, little thing. Just so small.

I tried new disposables on her today, they are too big. They have the straps on the side and so I thought it would be easier to take them off her. Not. They are too big for her and I got her a small/medium. I mean, really, she isn't that big. I went and got her the type we had so I will put those on her. Much better product than the straps one. In theory the straps would be easier because you don't have to take off pants to remove and put them on, in reality, the are just too big. Way too big. She is tiny! She really could use extra small, but they don't make those.

Overall, it is just an average day with not much to do. I should be on my way home from sewing right now, but tonight is the girls confirmation so no sewing today. We didn't have it last week because of the doctor appointment with Mom. I am looking forward to next week. The girls are almost done with their outfits, so it is almost time for something new. We have been sewing for almost a year now. I love sewing days. It is almost as fun as teaching music, not quite, but a darn 2nd. Mom enjoys those days too.

I haven't heard from anyone since my ad went in the newspaper, however, it only ran one week instead of 4. I called the person I am dealing with and she forgot to put my ad in last week and this week, so I was mad. It should go in the next 3 weeks. I mean, I paid for 4 weeks, I want my ad in for four weeks. We shall see if I get any response. Please pray, I am only asking for 2 new students, although I have room for more, so that would be great too!

Pain is regular today except in the left arm, that is a bit sorer than usual. Don't know why, it doesn't respond when I ask. I hope your day is going well.

It has been a so-so day. Not too bad, not too good, just okay, which is just fine by me. If you don't have the so-so days, how can the good ones stand out? They couldn't, could they? Anyways, we were pretty busy today. We didn't get up until noon. We did our usual, then we went to Heather B-T's house for a visit, then dinner at home, and then to the subdivision meeting. It was fun and I volunteered to help with the block party. Our next door neighbor, Kathy, also volunteered. She wanted to speak with me at the end of the meeting, I wasn't sure why, but hey, she's a nice neighbor and I used to play with her daughter all the time. She asked me about mom and said to call her if I needed anything, she anything at all. It was very nice because sometimes I need help. It is just that simple, so it is nice to know I can call on a neighbor. She said she would be here all of June and August, July they will be camping so they won't be home. I hope the family has a good time. She was stunned about Mom, completely stunned. Of course, Mom has gone down since Christmas so she is at her worst right now. I think I need to up her anxiety medicine by 1/2 at night because she is getting anxious at night again.

Mom did not so good with eating today. She wasn't very hungry, I even got her ice cream, but she didn't eat much of it. She had about 1/3 of it. She ate most of her donut and a bit of her muffin, but dinner, not much at all. I tried to feed her but she ate as much as she could, and that was it. She is drinking her ensure now, I hope she finishes it. She thinks she does better than she does. I have a hard time saying, no Mom, you didn't eat well, she cries when I tell her. So I don't tell her that. I tell her she does good even when she doesn't. I mean, what else you can tell someone in her position? You tell them they are doing good and that you love them. That's what you do. I figure tomorrow she will be hungry since she isn't tonight. That's what happened yesterday, she was hungry because she didn't eat much on Tuesday.

She was afraid to get in the car because she didn't know how. This week I lowered her dose of anxiety, and I think I should have just lowered it a bit. She is less afraid with the medicine. So I will raise it by a 1/2 of a pill, the doctor said that would be good. She fell asleep at Heather's today, but that was okay, she does that a lot and they don't mind. Mom likes going to my friend's house. I think she really likes Heather's mom, Pat. She is very nice to Mom. I think she really likes her too. Mom loves Heather's kids, Acer and Calli and she really likes Heather. Mom doesn't get so confused with the two Heathers anymore, which is good. It sure confused Mom at first. It was like she didn't know that two people could have the same first name. But now she gets it so we have a good time when we visit. I look forward to Thursdays for that reason, but next week, I won't see them at all because Calli has rehearsal on Monday and a Doctor's appointment on Thursday. I have a blood test next week on Thursday. ugh, I hate them.

Mom has been standing up since we got home, she doesn't want to sit down, I don't know why. She likes to stand. I think her bottom is getting sore from sitting so much. I need to buy a nice little cushion for the dining room chair for her. Her chair is just a folding chair with a little bit of a cushion but it does get hard after a while. The living room chair and sofas are comfortable though, she sleeps like a log on them. I hope tomorrow is a good day, we have no plans. Well, I do have plans, I am planning to pin up Emily's dress for the wedding. I want to pin it and have her try it on before I cut and sew the hem. I need to get some hem tape too because that stuff works really well. I am not doing Lily's dress for the wedding until it is closer to the wedding. She is in the middle of puberty and well, if I do her dress now, she may not fit into it and that would be a tragedy.

I hope your day tomorrow will be good. I also will be doing Mom's hair and bath tomorrow since we have the whole day off. No sewing class tomorrow because the two of the girls are getting confirmed tomorrow.

Here is the weekly link:

http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/fma/fibromyalgiaaware_2009winter_v2/

This morning I will be heading over to the hospital for the study. I am excited about it. Anything that helps doctors diagnose FMS better is good. It is a 15 minute interview. I wonder if they will be on time, as most doctors are not. I hope so, I hate being late or running over or anything like that. I like to be on time so I am hoping they are too. Otherwise, how will they get all the interviews in today?

Mom is better this morning. She ate a bowl of cereal with no problem. I am going to try an ensure for her while I am gone. Carolyn, from my neighborhood, is coming to watch her. I will be going by myself (a first in a long time!!!) to the hospital without her. Yea! I am excited about that to. I hope she doesn't give Carolyn a hard time. We shall see.

I am back. The study was fun. It involved a few questions and a tender point test. The tender point test hurt, of course, but the rest was a piece of cake. She didn't press too hard either, so that was nice. We talked for few minutes and then, poof, I was done.

Mom did great with Carolyn. She drank the entire ensure while I was gone. I was so pleased. We went to our Tim Horton's after I got back. She ate 1/4 of her soup (I think from now on when she wants soup there I am going to have them fill it 1/2 way only) and her donut so I was really happy. She also drank 1/2 of the half pint of milk.

I talked to Kathy briefly today. She said often times her kids don't always eat a lot one day and then will the next. She said it is normal, so I guess yesterday Mom wasn't hungry, but today she is back to normal. Kathy and I came to the conclusion that if Mom isn't hungry for a few days, then be worried, if it is just one, no big deal, she might have ate more the day before than usual. So that's what I will go by. It is tough sometimes because I am not a Mom and Mom's body often acts like a child now so I have to check with the Mom's I know. My friend, Donna, has been very helpful too. Today, Mom is a peach, wouldn't exchange her for anyone in the world. No one. Not today. Yesterday, I was too worried, I was literally freaking because she wouldn't eat and she slept all day, pretty much the entire day. She snoozed a bit when Carolyn was here and is snoozing now, but that is normal for her. We just came back from Tim Horton's and had to head right back out to the bank. That is a lot of movement for her. The bank made a big error, they posted a check for $125.35 over what the check was written for. Yeah, how did that happen? It is a weird error, because it isn't like they added a zero or anything, so it's being fixed and looked into. It should be credited back in a few days. We still have enough for the house payment and the house insurance. That was my worry.

My head is really sore today. I am sure it is because of my worries from yesterday. The rest of the pain is a bit high, but not as bad as it was the other day. I noticed that when I worry more about Mom or anything, I am in more pain. I know, it isn't rocket science to realize that. So I try to keep calm about everything. It is hard at times because I am not always a calm person especially if the Alzheimer's is doing something crazy to Mom for the day, but I try.

It is finally beautiful outside. Not too hot, not too cold. The sun is shining and I had my windows down while I drove to the appointment and loved every minute of it. I now have a young person that will come and sit with Mom when I need her. it's great, life is just great today. If only everyday was like this!

Mom hasn't had anything but a bit of muffin to eat today. She drank 1 ensure. I know she has eaten less than 3 full meals before, but this is the worst. she is almost done with the 2nd of the day. I think that is the most I can get her to eat. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Today hasn't been good for her as far as eating goes. I am trying to get her to finish this so we can go to bed. I am tired now and we have to get up early tomorrow. I hope she eats tomorrow. I don't know what to do if I can't. She has been so out of it all day. I really hope tomorrow is a better day. Today just sucked. I don't know how to get her to drink or eat anything. I begged and it didn't matter to her. She just stared out into space. That is how with it her today. She just can't do anything else I guess.

It is a better day now. It didn't start off very well, but it is fine now. I needed help this morning because I was shouting and getting frustrated and that does not help the situation any. Mom is resting in the living room now. She is very tired and bent over today. She didn't eat her brunch today so I am going to try again later to see if she will eat it. She is just really out of it. I called my friend, Donna, and she help me calm down and also told me how to help Mom in the morning when she is having difficulty. That helped me a lot! Now I know what to do when she is having issues first thing in the morning! That will help in the future a lot because we are going to have days like this. Mom did say she was very tired this morning when I went into her room. She was actually sweating though so I pulled off her little jacket and changed her shirt. I don't want her to get a cold or the flu from being overheated. I don't know if you can, but just in case. I need her to be a healthy mom. I am going to let her sleep a little bit longer before I go and check in on her. She was cold again so I put some blankets on her. Poor thing, she hasn't had an easy day. At least she won't have a screaming daughter this afternoon and maybe she will be able to eat more or have an ensure. I don't care if she finished her muffins, that is immaterial to me, it is drinking the ensure she needs today since she can't really eat. I have several at my fingertips to give her when she can! She is down to 92 pounds again and her pants are practically falling off her but I did go to get her new jeans and they didn't have her size. I know somewhere in her bedroom are 2 pairs of size 6 jeans and that is what she needs. The ones she has on now are size 10, and well, you get the picture. We will be working on her room as soon as the garage is done. That gets done next week, I think that is the plan. I know Tillie and Maia are coming over, so I think it is the garage that is next. Doesn't really matter to me, as long as by the end of summer the house is ready for sale. I am not planning on selling the house right now as houses, like in many other areas, just aren't selling, but it would be nice to have a clean house that isn't so cluttered. I have been able to not reclutter the rooms that have been finished. I put things away when I am done with them instead of putting them on a pile. I don't want to mess up the work that has been done. The only exception is the dining room table. That is still kinda of cluttered with bills and music. But that is the only area! And once the music is put away, that will be it for the music all over the place. Katie is coming sometime in June to help me put away all the music that is in the dining room, living room, and family room. Oh yeah, and the office. Everywhere but in the file cabinets they belong in! Speaking of music, I need to pull some out for Frank. He has to make a choice of what song he wants to play that is on the list for summer competition. I ordered some new music for him since I didn't have very many on the list. You would think that a person with over 700 pieces and books of piano music would have the songs on the list. Nope, I didn't. I was surprised. I had a couple of songs on the list from level 7 and only 1 on the list for level 8. I don't know which level he will be in the competition as every competition is different and the levels aren't always the same. Frank is a very talented pianist. Very very talented. He is such a joy to teach because he loves all types of music, not just pop like many children. I never have a problem giving him classical (like I do with some), he has also been known to bring in all types of music that he wants to learn. Half the time, it is his choice of what we are learning and that is wonderful. Mom really enjoys hearing him play too. She likes listening to all my students, which I am glad because I have her sit in the living room during lessons. I am afraid to leave her in the dining room in case she falls asleep and falls off the chair, that would be very bad.

I talked to my friend, Karlyn, online this afternoon too! I just love being able to speak with her again. She was one of my best friends in high school and then we lost touch as people do, and then face book brought us back together and it has been great! I really enjoy talking to people I haven't spoken with for years, it is one of the neatest things about face book. You get reconnected to friends you haven't seen in years. It is really nice. She has 3 little ones now. She lives in Ohio about 5 hours away from me. Way too far, but what can you do? People have to live where they or their spouses work. It is just that way.

My friend, Kathleen, had another surgery this morning and seems to be doing well. We will know more in a few days. That is all I know so far. Things are looking up from what the posts say. I hope so!

Pain is down today. I don't feel as bad as I did yesterday, even with the extra stressed morning I had. I had to take an extra pain pill and now I feel alright, not great, but alright. I can handle everything now. I don't need to go outside for anything right now. For tomorrow's early appointment, I plan to wake up 1/2 hour earlier than originally planned in case Mom is having a rough day. Actually, maybe I should call Carolyn and have her watch mom. That might be better since I have to be there at 11:15 am. That would probably be better. That way, I can do the study and not worry about Mom. Yup, I will see if she is available tomorrow.

Carolyn is available to sit with Mom tomorrow while I go for the Fibromyaglia study. I am excited to participate in this study because they are looking at new tools to help diagnose Fibro. So anyway I can help, I will. It is just an interview, that's it! Just an interview. I will let you know how it goes.

Anyways, it is turning out to be an okay day, just had a rough start. I don't know where exactly I am going tomorrow, but I will look it up on mapquest. I hope your day is good too.

Pain is really high right now. My head is bad and so is my back. It is raining outside tonight and supposed to rain all day tomorrow. I think I will just stay in bed as long as possible tomorrow. I have one lesson only at 1 pm. I think we will be skipping our usual, I don't want to go out in the rain if I don't have to. We will see, maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I just don't feel well right now. I haven't felt this bad in a while.

I don't know what to do about Mom tomorrow. I guess I will have to see how I feel. Maybe Carolyn can come and watch her while I am lying down resting. I don't think I should have had the ice cream tonight. It is doing a number on my stomach. Hmm, could be why I feel so bad. Let's hope it goes away soon, like now would be great.

I am watching Dancing with the Stars with Mom. Love this show, just love it. After it we are heading for bed because it will be our bed time. I hope tomorrow brings good news about Kathleen and a better day for me. Nighty night everyone!

My friend, Kathleen (she lives in Florida - I went to school with her) had a baby girl on Saturday (I think it was Saturday) has had 4 surgeries to stop the bleeding and is now on life support. I certainly hope the doctors can save her. She is such a great person and has 4 children and a husband. It reminds me of when Kathy gave birth to Matthew, her oldest, her blood wouldn't clot and she had several surgeries. She had an unusual illness that either stays with you for the rest of your life or it goes away within a year. It only happens when you give birth. Fortunately, hers went away and she went on to have 3 more kids. They are all adorable. I am really worried about Kathleen, she was so looking forward to life with this new little one. She has 2 older children and 1 two year old plus this new one. Please pray for her and her family. We can't lose her.

Mom is doing alright today, thank goodness. She went down the stairs fine today both the inside and the outside stairs. So I don't know what last night was all about. I am rather tired today. I didn't sleep to well last night, I don't think. I could take a nap right now. My head is rather sore today. Stupid head, that's all I have to say about it.

Not much happening or going on to write about, too worried about Kathleen, I think. I will keep checking on face book to check her status. Her friend, Charrin, is writing statuses to keep up all updated.

We were at my Uncle John's today. He called me up on Friday, asked me if I was busy this Sunday and invited us over. I am so glad we went. We left at 11:30, picked up Tillie along the way and had a great day. Mom did really well most of the day. She has started something new though that is worrisome. When we left Uncle John's, she become frightened to go down a couple steps. I had my uncle hold on to Mom while she came down the stairs. He then led her into the car. She had a difficult time getting into the car again. I think this is something that will happen a lot from now on. I can get her into the car, it just takes a few minutes and then she is fine. When we dropped Tillie off we went into the house because I had some papers I had to fill out. Mom again became scared to go down a couple of steps. We got her down. Overall, it was a successful day. We are going back in two weeks on the holiday weekend, on the Sunday. I am looking forward to this. Little Jayson was playing with Mom in the living room while we were talking in the dining room. It was fun to listen to. We had an awesome dinner. Michelle (Uncle John's wife) is a wonderful cook. She made a roast beef and a roast pork. Boy, were they good. Mom ate really well, it was impressive how much she ate. I couldn't believe it, she ate a really good meal (for her anyways, still small to regular standards). It was just a good day.

Well, I am off to bed now as it is getting late here. Mom has asked 3 times when am I going to bed. I just have to give her the nighttime medicine and then we are all set. I hope your day was as good as mine. Have a good day tomorrow too! Ours is nice and busy with 4 lessons!

We have company today! Well, since last night. My cousin, Tillie, has been visiting with us. She goes home around noon, which works out perfect since I begin teaching at 12 and have another lesson at 1 and then two lovely young girls will be trying on their bridesmaids dresses to be shortened. I am not sure about doing Lily's as it is still a month away from the wedding. She is 12 and could grow between now and then, and that could be bad. I think I will pin hers but refit her at the beginning of the month, next month. Emily, at 16 almost 17, is finished growing so I can do hers right away. I just love these two girls. They (and their older sister) adopted Mom as their grandmother about 8 years ago. They don't have one and they like Mom a lot, so they adopted her.

Tomorrow is an exciting day too! We are going to my Uncle John's house. He is my mom's youngest brother. He is 14 years younger than her. She helped take care of him when he was a baby and a young boy. According to him, he broke mom in for us. I don't think he broke her in enough. He says she raised him mostly. I enjoy his company most of the time. We used to see him quite frequently, but then Mom got sick and then I bought the store and life just got busy. I am happy we were invited to see him. He called last night, I was like, who is calling me from Canada, and to my surprise, it was him! He asked if we were busy Sunday, and I said no because we weren't. Tillie was sitting her and so he asked if she wanted to come too. So we will pick Tillie up on the way. It will work out perfectly. I do have to remember to bring some stuff for mom in case of an oopsie. I will have extra pants for her, some extra diapers, and some wipes. I probably should put an extra t-shirt in there too, just in case. I will also have to bring a couple of ensures for her to make sure she has enough nutrition.

Mom ate great this morning!!! She had a bowl of Cheerios, orange juice, and an ensure! How cool is that? I told her I was very pleased with her and she smiled a big smile. She knew I meant it. Yesterday wasn't a good day for her, she ate horribly, and she couldn't walk very good, it was just not her day. Today, she is a peach and she is doing so much better. I think we are going out to eat for dinner to celebrate. She can have a good bowl of soup and I will get a dinner.

We are doing her bath today instead of tomorrow because of our visiting schedule! I am so excited for the weekend.

Hayley was supposed to come over with her friend shopping tomorrow. I messaged her that we are leaving at noon so she can stop by early. There are a couple of packages here for her. When she shops with her friends we don't see her much, it is just a run in and run out. Totally understandable, they want to shop! I don't particularly like shopping, but mainly because I can't walk that well and need a scooter for any extended shopping. Speaking of shopping, I got Mom her little slippers for the wedding. They are black and I have black socks for her. She will look adorable. It is very important to me that she looks adorable at all times. Now that she needs help getting dressed, I get to pick what she wears. It isn't like she notices or really cares. I mean, they are her clothes, I just put the cute ones on her. I found her favorite outfit the other day. I thought the pants went to donation, but they didn't! She will be wearing that tomorrow.

Well, my first student will be here momentarily, so I hope you have a great day!!! I plan to! It is beautiful out so the pain level isn't high, just regular. The sun is shining, the winds are very strong, all in all, I am pleased with the day!

We have a busy day ahead of us today. First there was the blood test at our family doctors. Both Mom and I had to have tests. Next up is Mom's visit with the arthritis doctor. She sees her about once every six months. Not really too much can be done, as hers is mild and over the counter seems to working okay. Then off to knitting with a lesson thrown in! I can't wait for that part of the day, it is my favorite as I get to hang out with two awesome kids. Calli missed her lesson on Monday because of camp so we are doing it today. It works out well.

Tillie is coming over tomorrow afternoon. She will probably be here before we get back from sewing, but that is okay as she has a key to get in. I have to remember to remove the bad milk from the fridge and clear the table tonight before she arrives. I do like to have things cleared up before guests arrive. Most of the house is still clean from when Maia and Tillie cleaned it. With Mom not being herself, like she used to be, nothing gets pulled out for a new project anymore. That means a cleaner house for us. She used to rip apart one room, get it 3/4 of the way finished and then start a new room. Throw a fit the day before a holiday (because it always took until the holidays) throw stuff in another so she could pretend we were the perfect little family. Used to drive me crazy. I hated holidays. The boys would be fine, but I would be hollered at the night before and the morning of if one little thing wasn't where she could find it. Since she never cooked, she never knew where anything was. I would even leave maps for her and she still couldn't find the stuff she needed. Thank goodness we don't go through that anymore. For years I hated every holiday, major or minor, because for me, it wasn't any fun, I was too busy getting screamed at from her (and she yells rather loudly). One time, Andrew woke up and yelled at her to leave me alone for a change. She glared at him and continued to yell at me, because I moved a salt shaker from the counter to a cupboard. Like she couldn't open on to see it? It was in the front of the cupboard. It was ridicules, simply ridicules. This mellow mom is much better and somewhat easier to deal with. She mostly does what I ask and sits there quietly. I prefer her this way than the way she was when I was growing up. If she was like that, she'd be on her own and I wouldn't be taking care of her.

Our subdivision is having garage sales this weekend (which is why Tillie is coming earlier than originally planned - hey - whatever works for her, works for me). I was going to have one, but we haven't finished the house and although there are a few things I'd like to sell, I don't have a lot right now and our garage is completely full of junk like the rest of our house was. My little red car has never even been in the garage because it is chucked full of crap. We have the boards for the bar that Mom built for the family room in there. I am not putting the bar back up in the family room. We don't spend enough time down there for that and really, there isn't the room for it. We have patio furniture in there, bikes that don't work in there, along with so many empty cardboard boxes. It is quite annoying that I can't fit my little car in there. yes, I know, I have about 11 boxes of my cookbook in there too. Those could be piled up on one side and then move the rest of the stuff so my car would get in. It would be nice to do this before winter next year. That is my goal. We also have lots of tools that we will not use again, as I am not planning any major work to do in this house. Not to mention 2 lawn mowers that don't work. Mom kept everything and I am going to get rid of everything. She isn't here enough to know what stuff is hers and what isn't. After we finish the family room and office, we will head outside to the garage. That will be fun. I can just see the stuff now leaving the garage and my baby car driving inside to keep out of the rain and the snow. What a beautiful thought. Of course, if interest rates sky rocket we won't be in this house so none of that would matter. But let's think positively that interest rates will stay the same.

Well, we are off to the Arthritis Doctor's office now. I hope you are having a great day!

It's a free day, I mean totally free, with nothing planned to do. Oops, just remembered I got to write mom's doctor appointment in the planner. Be right back! Done! They called while we were at Tim Horton's. I knew she had an appointment coming up, just didn't know when. Fortunately, it is the type of office that calls to confirm the appointment. I like that in a doctor's office. It is just a check up for Mom at the arthritis doctor. She has the same doctor as me. I like her a lot. There isn't a whole lot she can do for me though, I have tried many different medicines and nothing has worked yet. Darvacet does pretty well though. I have given up on trying new medicines, one I can't afford them and two, they often don't work.

Mom's friend, Jose, stopped by for a few minutes. I had called him last Wednesday for help and he wasn't in town. He told me today he isn't often available to help me out with Mom. I will mark him off the help list. At least he told me. Of course, I only call when I am desperate, and so far that has been 2 times in 6 months so it isn't very often. He stayed for about 30 minutes. That is a good amount of time. Mom is in the living room resting. She was falling asleep at the table so I moved her to the living room. She wants to stay there for a while, she says. Hey, no problem, I will be in the dining room working on the blog. Nice apart time for us.

Free days are usually the bane of my existence because there is nothing to do. I do have a couple of books to read, I could watch a movie, right now I am watching Oprah (love Oprah!!!), I think I will make Mom some dinner during the news which is on right after Oprah. I am not hungry since I was hungry a few hours ago so I had a sub. I love subs.

Oprah is very interesting today. It usually is. They are talking about food and women, and God. I totally understand. The author has a new book out, I think I will get the book, maybe it will help me with my weight loss. I think part of the reason I haven't lost a lot of weight, it isn't just about the food, it is about the stuff that I haven't worked out yet or am trying to work out. I know I am not alone, although at times it sure feels like it. I am not the only one with this illness, there are millions of us, yet, at times, I feel like I am the only one who has constant pain. It gets so hard to move at times. On top of that, I am the only one who takes care of Mom. I don't have help and usually that is okay, I can do it. But at times, like last Wednesday, I need help and I don't really have any. On a bad day for both of us, I need help. I don't really have anyone I can call for help. I have some numbers now. I can message my friend, Stacey, and I can call Tillie. I know both will help or come and stay with Mom because they have told me I can. I also can call the young girl down the street, although, I did call last week and didn't hear from her. I didn't really care on Thursday, but it would have been good for me to have someone watch Mom for me so I can do something away from her. I will try again in a few weeks.

Tomorrow we will be busy again. I think tonight we will go and get this book and read it. It sounds like a very good book. I would like to lose all my weight, maybe some of the pain would go with it. I do know not all of the pain will go away, I have lost (and gained) a lot of weight before and the pain was still there. I am not expecting a miracle on that, but it would help me avoid other problems I could get. That is my goal. I try to eat right, (even though I eat frozen dinners - they are the lean cuisine and smart ones) and I try to eat fresh veggies when I can. Fruit does a number on my stomach so I don't eat much fruit. I have tried almost every diet out there, maybe there is something in the book that will help me be able to finally shed the extra weight. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of doctors look at me and telling me the weight is going the wrong direction. It gets very discouraging. Very very discouraging.

It isn't really sunny out, it is cold and dreary. Not nice weather at all, fits my mood I suppose. It is supposed to rain all day tomorrow. Ugh, not happy on that. Oh well, we have a busy day tomorrow no matter what. We don't have a choice to go to the doctors, we have to go. Both of us are going to get blood tests first thing in the morning, then Mom's Arthritis appointment, then off to knitting with my friend (a piano lesson thrown in the knitting session too). I hope you are having a good day.

I have learned something new about Alzheimer's. My friend, Debbie, told me about movers. I think Mom is a mover which is why she sleeps so much in the afternoon. She often is up way way way before me and I find her at the gate looking out. She no longer tries to go out of the gate, she just looks out. Sometimes she comes in my room, covers me up, and then goes out again. She also sits on her bed in the mornings when I am sleeping too. Thank goodness I have good friends who are knowledgeable about so many things especially this disease! I am so blessed with friends like that!

Mom took a little (3 hour) nap this afternoon, she slept straight through 2 lessons which is surprising because she usually hears them. She didn't move during either lesson. They were good lessons, both Zach and Charlie are doing well. Zachary got some new songs this week. One was definitely a challenge for the young man. Charlie has a method book for his saxophone, so he gets new music every week. Zachary takes voice lessons, so it is a bit different that teaching the tenor saxophone. Katie was ill, so she had to cancel her lesson. Poor kid. She has just not been healthy during this spring at all this year. I hope she feels better by the end of the week.

I have to mail the W2's from 2009 this week. I have a couple of other pieces of paperwork to send in too. I can't believe our payroll service didn't do it like they did every other year. I was really annoyed when I got the letter. It is a drag to find out that the service you paid for didn't do their job. Nothing I can do about it right now though. I won't ever need to use them again. At the time they were a good service, but boy, now I don't think they were a good service since I have to send in the papers. Thank goodness I do have the papers, they didn't even tell me I had to send it in, or I would have done it in 2009 right away.

Frank is considering going to competition. I have to look up the test list for him tonight so I will have them ready for his lesson next Monday. I hope I don't have to buy anything. I have over 700 pieces of music (both sheet music and books), you would think I would have enough choices for the students. There is also a test list for the vocal students. The only one who might go is Katie, I don't think Zachary is going, it is rather expensive to go. Aggie is planning to go, but she is too old for test list. (I think she is anyways! - I will check into that) It all depends on how the little Mom does between now and then whether or not I go. Tillie has already said she would go with me to be with Mom so that end is covered. I do want to go if my students go because I am always interested in their performances. I will know by the end of the month, since everything is due May 28 and it is only the 11th right now.

It has been raining cats and dogs all day today. My head has been hurting a bit more than usual because of it. Mom has been okay - well, she has slept through most of the afternoon. We met up with some friends at Tim Horton's this morning. It was fun. I also paid my car payment! I am on time with all my payments now. Tomorrow i will call to change the date of my car payment is due. We don't get Mom's money until the 4th Wednesday of the month and mine comes in on the 3rd, but they way the other bills come in and need to be paid, the car gets pushed to the 4th Wednesday.

I hope this finds you doing well and having a good day. If you have sunshine, pass it along up here! Otherwise, we will all survive the rain together! Have a great day!

Mom is sleeping in her chair in the dining room right next to me. She fell asleep in Grace's lesson too. It was kinda cute. Poor thing is so tired. I don't know why. She was up before me but that isn't anything new. She often is up before me as I don't get up very early. It is almost noon before I roll out of bed. She is the morning person, not me. If I have company or a reason I have to get up, I will, but other than that, I won't. Not if I don't have to. I try to get as much sleep as possible. I only woke up a few times last night, so it qualifies as a good night.

I have 3 more lessons for the afternoon/evening. Calli is at sports camp so I don't have her today. I hope she is having a ball. I imagine she is, she is very good at sports. They have this sport just for visually impaired people called goal ball, she especially loves that and gymnastics. She is such a cute young person. She is enthusiastic about so much of what she does, she makes teaching a blast. it is nice to have a student just like her. I need several more just like her and that would make my day, or week so to speak.

Mother's Day went well, Mom liked the roast beef we had for dinner. She ate pretty okay for her. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We have left overs for tonight. A few potatoes, carrots, and of course, the beef. I will serve that after Debbie's lesson. I only have her for a few more weeks and then she is moving to Seattle. Where I want to go (because of the attachments Richard has). I wish we lived there with him. That would be great for me because I would get Abigail and William everyday and what could be better than that? Nothing! It would be good for Mom too because then she would know her grandchildren better. Right now, since we don't really hear from them, we only talk to them once or twice a year, it isn't that good. But to live with them, well, that would be this side of heaven.

It's hard to believe it is May outside because it has been so cold. It is going to be cold and raining tomorrow. Poor Mom, it seems like forever since she has been warm. I feel so bad at times for her, although, I am often cold myself, so I know a bit how she feels. She is just frozen all the time. I put several blankets on her bed and she still is cold at times. A few nights ago, I had 6 blankets on her bed before she was a little toasty (as we call it). I couldn't believe it! 6 blankets and she was finally warming up. She even had warm pajamas on, but that didn't help much. I have about 4 blankets on my bed, but 2 are for the feet, my feet are always cold at night. And if they are cold, forget, no sleep for Heather.

Well, Bob should be here anytime now! I hope this finds you doing well and having a great day! Enjoy the sunshine if you have it (we do right now!)

Here is the weekly link:

http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/fma/fibromyalgiaaware_2009winter_v2/

Happy Mother's Day!!!! I hope it is the best one ever for all the mom's out there!!!!

You may be under the impression that you have the greatest mom, well, sorry to disappoint you, I have her. Even with her memory going, she is still the greatest mom ever. (Kristen Chenoweth says the same thing in her autobiography! I love those lines!) Anyways, it is Mother's Day and she chose to have a roast beef for dinner instead of going out to eat. So I put the roast kit in the crock pot (you didn't think I'd use an oven, did you???) and put it together before we went out. It smells scrumptious. Really really scrumptious. Mom picked a good choice. Since we went out to dinner yesterday to celebrate today, I don't mind not taking her today. I am sure the restaurants are full of people waiting to celebrate!

I even managed to do her hair this afternoon. Sometimes I do a decent job, sometimes I don't. We don't get her shower and hair done in Windsor anymore, we will be getting the services over her soon, until then, it is up to me and I did it without soaking her this time. I was proud of myself. Right now we are both sitting in the dining room with wet hair. I will dry our heads with our new blow dryer shortly. (after I finish this entry)

It has been a nice day so far. I haven't really yelled at all and my patience is in place for a change. I am working on being more patient because I lose patience really fast some days. All depends on how much sleep I have. I had a good night. I don't know how Mom actually slept Friday night because neither one of us had our medicine. That could have been a disaster for both of us. I didn't sleep much at all, but since we had to get up at 8 am, I was awake in time and not groggy. I did sleep super good last night, only woke 2 times to move around from the pain. I am a happy camper with that today.

Mom and I are going to watch It's Complicated in a few (after our hair is dried) I wanted to see it when it came out but we never got around to it so I bought it. From what my friends have said, it is really funny and they enjoyed it a lot. I was nervous about it because it is rated R and I don't watch too many rated R movies. Both of my friends who saw it said there was nothing objectionable in it, so I am counting on them to be right.

Mom didn't want to go to a movie today, so we didn't go. Maybe next week or maybe we will wait until Oceans in on DVD. I really want to see that one. I love the Disney nature movies. We saw Earth last year and loved it. I also saw March of the Penguins and I loved that one too. Nature and I get along just fine.

It is chilly today, but not as chilly as yesterday. Not much happening but celebrating Mom's Day with her. Pain is doing alright, not to high and my head is back to normal. My arm is a bit sore after washing both our heads in the sink but I took a pain pill for it so it should be kicking in soon. It is nice and sunny out. Mom is standing up straight today and walking fine unlike last week when she wasn't walking fine. Today she doesn't need a walker, but you never know what she will be like tomorrow. Last week she needed a walker. It is interesting the ups and downs of Alzheimer's, almost as interesting as the ups and downs of FMS. I hope this finds you doing well and enjoying the specialness of the day.

Went out to dinner with the Emerton Family, and boy was it fun! Lily is so cute, she brings a book to read so she can be entertained at the same time as we are. Mom really enjoyed it too. She ate almost all of her soup and ice cream too! I was very pleased with it. It was so nice to see Julie in a relaxed manner, she has a load on her mind and lots to do with the wedding that is coming up. Next week I will be starting to alter the bridesmaids dresses for Lily and Emily. Should be rather fun and exciting as I love sewing.

I almost couldn't find the book I needed for Lily after I burned the CD. I knew we saw it last week, I just wasn't too sure where. Just when I was about to give up, I found it. She has 2 new Broadway songs this week: I Could Have Danced All Night from My Fair Lady, and The Sound of Music, from, well, the Sound of Music. She catches on really quick too. She have them down in no time. She forgot a disc at home so we plunked out her Panis Angelicus. She does a nice job on that one and it is her first foreign language song. She will start Italian this summer. I suspect she will be very good at it. I will also have her start another classical book as well as keeping up on her Broadway. Got to have a bit of Broadway to offset the classical. Although she seems to enjoy almost all of the songs she has had but 1. Definitely a record there. Most students don't like a lot of the classical but like the Broadway, she likes almost anything. Makes her so easy to teach and to enjoy teaching her. We had a bit of a giggle during the lesson, both her dad and my mom fell asleep during the lesson. We thought that was rather funny, each on a different couch, but sleeping. Mom was sleeping for about 2 hours while Ross was a sleep for 15 minutes, big difference there. It was quite funny for the both of us to see them. I finally woke Mom up at 2 because I wanted to go to walmart to pick up a few things. I got another Roast Kit. Next time, I am going to just pick up the roast and make my own kit and see how it turns out. I have the veggies in the fridge, just need the meat. I am really getting into this crock pot thing with roasts and stews and stuff.

I got Mom some stuff for her bed, I can't wait to see how they work, they should help keep the sheets dry if she has an oopsie. I also got a new toilet seat for her, so that should help her not be nervous with the bathroom. She is so afraid of falling, which she did earlier today. Fortunately, she didn't hurt herself, but she could have broken a bone with how she fell. She didn't want to use her walker today so I just let her hold on to me. On good days, that seems to help, on bad days, she needs the walker. Eventually she will need the walker full time outside of the house.

I spoke to Kathy this afternoon. It was Jacob's first communion this afternoon. Kathy picked out real cute spring dresses for the twins and had to put sweaters and jackets on them because it is so cold outside. It is like winter outside, only minus the snow. It was fun talking with her for a few minutes before she had to go back to her guests. Her parents, his parents, and 1 of Tony's (her husband) brothers were there. A nice showing for Jacob, I think.

I am planning on a good sleep in tomorrow for Mom and I. I don't think we will get up early, either one of us. Well, maybe her, she is an early bird person, unlike me. We will do our usual, going to Tim Horton's, and then we will relax at home with a nice bath and a movie. We are watching Walker Texas Ranger season 6 disc 4. Mom and I are really enjoying the episodes. I am going to try to do some knitting while I am watching TV. I have to get going on my scarf if I want it done someday, which I do. It is for Mom. It is red and matches her winter coat. She will look very cute in it. I also have to cut the pictures and put them in frames on the piano. I have some really cute frames that I think her picture will look nice in. I need a 5 X 7 and a 8 X 10. Then I will pick a picture out for Richard and send it too him. I will even buy him a nice (but not too expensive) 5 X 7 frame. I will do the same for Andrew. We can get some nice ones from Walmart. I should have done that today, but I forgot. Well, there is always next time. I am sure in the next few weeks we will be back at Walmart getting some necessary stuff, like food and medicine. I am glad the store is nearby, only about 4 miles away. It is our favorite shopping place, mainly because they have a lot of stuff and a scooter! Without those scooters, I wouldn't be able to shop. I have to get both Mom and I new summer flats for the wedding. I will be looking in the catelogues I get. I will find something we both will like and look nice in.

Well, off to get ready for bed! It is almost that time again! I hope you had a good day too!

Mom's Doppler test on both legs and feet came out perfect. She doesn't have a blood clot and her circulation is good. I was thrilled. We went to our usual after that. Mom, as usual, is sleeping in the chair. It's a good day for it as it is so cold outside. What happened to spring, I want to know? It is in the 40's today and looks rainy. ugh. Not to happy about that. Mom is an ice cube. I will put a blanket on her when we go into the family room. I think after lessons I will nap.

The new disposable undies worked last night! No mess to clean! yeah! I was rather pleased with that. Now if they only had straps, they would be perfect, but you can't have everything and I will take what we got. Mom was happy too. I don't think she was happy about getting up at 8 am though. She has been having a bit of trouble getting out of bed these last few mornings. She is very sore. I don't really know why except she is in bed longer than she ever has been and that could be it. She can get up when she wants, she just lies there and waits for me. I don't ask questions, it doesn't do any good, I just live here.

I am supposed to have 2 lovely lessons with 2 lovely young ladies today, Lily and Aggie. I am excited about both. I just love both girls. They are really neat girls. Lily is now 12, hard to believe as I remember her as a 3 year old. Aggie is almost 20 now. I have to quickly burn a CD for Lily, a Broadway one. I just remembered. More later!

Sewing today! Yeah! We were running behind though, we were 1/2 hour late. Fortunately, the girls are very forgiving and didn't mind. Mom just couldn't get going this morning plus I had an emergency laundry load. I got Mom a different type of disposable underwear, I hope it works, so far, we are 2 types, 0 working. Not a good thing, but we do what we have to do. Ugh, though, on the result.

Mom has been alright most of the day. She didn't eat very well though, I will have to give her another ensure to offset the difference. She hasn't had much to drink either, both are not good. I wish she eat and drink like she used too, I even miss her millions of trips to the bathroom, at least she always made it in time. Stage 6 is difficult for both of us. New symptoms pop up, go away, then pop up again. I tried not to yell to much this morning, although I did a little bit. I have come to the conclusion that she can only put 1 shoe on, I have to put the other one on. She just doesn't get it. I also help her get dressed now. She can put 1 leg in her jeans (or whatever pants she is wearing), but not the other leg. I don't know, it is strange. Just very strange. She also shuffles more on 1 foot than the other, maybe the putting stuff on the 1 leg is related. Who knows? I certainly don't.

She really liked her new pajamas, she is still wearing the top underneath her hoodie. It is cute, Tinkerbell. We love Tinkerbell. I am almost done doing the laundry from earlier, I washed it this morning and dried some of it when we got home. I just have to put the sheet, undies, and pajama bottoms in the dryer as soon as the mattress pad is dried. Thank God Maia found the mattress pad, it sure came in handy this week!

Well, we are off to Walmarts! We have to pick up a few items (thank goodness we got the new bank card in the mail yesterday!) I want to beat the rain because it is supposed to downpour again. Ugh, Mom doesn't do well getting wet, so we are off! have a great evening.

Here is the weekly link:

http://www.nxtbook.com/nxtbooks/fma/fibromyalgiaaware_2009winter_v2/

Today has definitely been a better day! I have not yelled at Mom once, she has been calm and not irritating as she was yesterday. I could have sold her or gave her away yesterday. Not today, I'll keep her. We got her new walker this evening. It was rather cheap considering Medicare paid for 80% of it. It is a walker junior (that is what it is called) and has 2 wheels in the front for her. She has mini ski's on the back ends. She has done pretty well with it so far. We need it for when she walks outside, not so much inside, although it is here should she need it!

We went to knitting this afternoon after Tim Horton's. I also had Calli's lessons during the visit. She is so cute and gets so excited to start a new piece. She is now playing sur la pont. It is a french folk song and very cute. Heather's Mom is doing well too, her bruises are all gone and she is feeling much better. Tomorrow Calli has the day off so the two of them will be going to her mom's house and work on her mother's room. Mom's room here is half down. Soon it will be completely done, but I am not necessarily in a hurry to finish it. My room is still a disaster. I am so not ready to fix that one.

At Heather's, we also got a fashion show from Calli to see which one of the new dresses would be good for the baptism on the 23rd of the month. We all agreed on a pretty pink one. It had lace on it and was just really cute on her. It was her favorite too. The other dresses didn't really fit her too well, so Heather is going to return them. I don't blame her, if they don't fit, what good are they?

Mom is eating really well again today. She has 5 pieces of meat left. She will finish all of it again. 3rd day in a row! I am very excited about this. The new medicine must be working well for her. Dr. G said it may take 1 week to 1 month to kick in. Well, it is starting to kick in.

I did forget my blood test yesterday. I have it scheduled for next Thursday. Mom also needs another blood test too, she is scheduled for the same time. Yuck, we both will be losing our blood to tests that day. Ugh. It could be worse, it could be today. That would be worse.

Not much going on this evening. We finished dinner, Mom had a frozen Boston market dinner and I had taco bell. I love taco bell. I think we will head to bed early so I can read some more of the book club book. Tomorrow is sewing with the girls. That should be fun too!

It is cold out today and I have a bad headache now. Yuck, not happy about that, but overall happier with the day than the day I had yesterday.

I am feeling better now. I am done yelling and crying. Everything has settled down now. Mom is calmer now too now that I am. I hope tomorrow is a better day because this sucked. Well, tomorrow is another day. Mom needs help getting dressed now. I can deal with that. Now I get to chose what she wears and I will pick cute clothes only. Time to go shopping!! I did try to find new jeans for her but they only had mid and low rise jeans. Definitely not for Mom. She does have a lot of cute T-shirts and hoodies (because I bought them and picked them out for her.) I just need her to have another 2 pairs of jeans. I know somewhere in the room is another pair of jeans in her room, I just don't know where they are. I will look this weekend. The pain has calmed down too. I am glad about that. Mom seems calmer now too. She is drinking an ensure right now. Her 2nd one of the day. Thank goodness she seems to be eating and drinking better.

I ache today bad and my head hurts too. I have 3 wonderful students coming for their makeup lesson this afternoon. I can't wait. It will get my mind of pain and Mom. My patience is at it's wit's end today. Mom fell out of bed this morning (she fortunately doesn't have far to go) and it took 20 minutes to get her up because she thinks I can just lift her up. Yeah, right. I know she doesn't weigh much, but jeez, I can't lift her. Finally, I ended up just pushing her from the back up, she kept saying "Ouch" the whole time but it got her up. I put her back to bed after that. I tried to have her move into the center more of her bed instead of the edge but she couldn't do it. Tonight I am going to pull her into the middle from the other side of the bed.

Mom is being very difficult today. She wouldn't come down the stairs, that took 10 minutes at least. Then she wouldn't put her shoe on, I finally put it on her, but that was hard. We headed to the car, she wouldn't get it. Finally, she got one foot in and tried to sit down but decided not to. We went back into the house, by this point I am yelling at her and crying at the same time. I tell her to leave me alone and go and cry in the dining room. She is still standing at the front door. I also threw my purse on the floor and my keys. I took the junk mail from yesterday and threw it on the floor too. I was so upset. I am calmer now, but still having a rough day.

I asked her if she was ready to go and get lunch (we don't have any lunch food in the house because we go to Tim Horton's every day). She says yes. We go back outside and she gets in the car like it is no big deal. Yup, I was like, oh my, whatever. She is still slightly difficult as she doesn't answer me when I ask her a question nor did she finish her milk today. Usually she does no problem, not today. She also hasn't taken her Advil for her foot today either and she chewed one of her medicines that isn't supposed to be chewed. I was not happy. Now she is sleeping in her chair. She will do this most of the afternoon. I don't get it. I hate this disease. It is driving me crazy today. Most days I am fine, but not today. I hope after teaching I will be fine again. I was planning on going out for dinner tonight, but I will make dinner as I am not going through the not get in the car again thing.

It is going to rain outside, goes along with my mood. I hope you are having a better day than I am. I wouldn't wish this type of day on anyone, it makes me ache more.