Sleepy

Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is try to sleep.  For the last few months I have been awake off and on until about 5 am and then I sleep for a couple hours, then I need to roll over because of pain, sleep a couple more hours, roll over again, and on and on it goes.  Today, I rolled over at 10 thinking I would get up in a bit and start my day.  The next time I woke up it was 2 pm.  I had actually slept for 4 hours straight!  I was excited, still exhausted, but excited.  Why couldn't I do that earlier so I could get up a bit early?  Who knows.  I got up and got ready for the day, which was partly over more than usual.  I went and mailed a letter that is due next week.  It is, I hope, the last of what is needed for the IRS from the store.  The nightmare never ends it seems when it comes to the store.  I do hope this is the last of it.  

I didn't have any lessons today so I read some after I went and got some Chipotle's for dinner.  Since I woke up super late I figured I would have a bigger meal now and a smaller meal later around 7 or 8 or so.  I have one lesson tomorrow so that is wonderful!  I love lessons and I really think that is the only time I feel like I am achieving something.  I do think that some other times when I am with friends or doing something at home other than watching TV or reading but often, I feel like I am in a rut and can't get out.  It isn't always like that, but often enough to bother me.  I think it is because I am still trying to find the new me without Mom.  When I had Mom here, I had a purpose and that was taking good care of her, which mostly I did.  Now my purpose is gone and I don't know what my purpose is, outside of teaching that is.  I am thankful I have more students now that I have had in the last few years.  It is very helpful and fun.  I simply love all my students.  I don't have one that is forced to play so that is a wonderful thing.  I have had a few in the past, and oh, my that was the hardest teaching ever.  Can you imagine trying to teach a child music to a child who really could care less about whether they play it right or not?  Believe me, I think I would rather bang my head against a wall than to do that again.  Fortunately, all my younger students play because they want to learn.  Thank God for that!

I don't have any plans for the rest of the evening except to relax and watch TV.  I am exhausted again and I have only been up for about 4 hours.  I probably will go to bed at the regular time because I will only toss and turn if I go early.  I can't wait for the lesson tomorrow.  I am debating which new song to give him.  I am not sure.

It is a bit cooler this afternoon that it has been in the last few days.  Next week is supposed to be back in the 80s so I can't wait for that.  I do hope that you are cool and staying out of the heat.